January 30, 2013 @ 11:50am
Top 10 Reasons I Lose At HoN
By David "Regnen" Austin
First off, let me go ahead and say that no loss I’ve ever been a part of has been my fault. Sure you can find some games when my stats aren’t that great (Editor’s Note - 0-23 Glacius), but rest assured, it was always because of someone else.
As an experienced pro-level HoN player (Editor’s Note - not true), I’ve had thousands of games that I should have won, had circumstance and poor teammates not been in my way. Being a helpful and constructive pillar of the community (Editor’s Note - also not true), I always point out that the game should have been won, if only I had been allowed to win it. I do this not because it makes me feel good about myself (Editors... you know what, I’m tired of typing in that. Just assume anything in parentheses is me. And that’s totally why he does it) but to educate the poor noobs that I’m forced to interact with in TMM.
I know a lot of you are afraid to tell your teammates why it’s not your fault. You’re worried it will sound whiny (it is), or that your teammates might hate you (they will). This is simply a risk you must take. You have an obligation to HoN to improve the community and an obligation to yourself to make the truth known . So, in my quest to make Newerth a better place - no, to make the world a more honest place - here are a few reasons that a loss might not be your fault.
#1. Your team fails to base their hero choices around yours.
If you go into a game, quickpick your best hero, and call out your lane, there is no excuse for your teammates not to fall in line behind you. For example, I play a mean Chronos mid, so about 75% of my games I immediately pick Chronos, say MID, because the caps shows them you mean it, and ready up. If they try to argue that you are brown and thus don’t know what you’re doing (they might be right), direct them to this article (it won’t help).
#2. Supports fail to buy wards or don’t have items because they bought too many wards.
If you’re looking for the reasons for a loss, the best place to start is always with the Glacius (only true if Regnen is playing said Glacius). There are many ways a hard support can screw you up and prevent you from winning - sometimes they won’t spend all of their money on wards, and you get ganked. Sometimes they end up with nothing but red boots and magic armor, and then die every fight. Sometimes they take your last hits and soak up experience, which is just dumb. Supports need neither money nor experience (I hate this guy).
#3. Another carry stealing your kills.
Just because the Moon Queen is 24 and 6 doesn’t mean she’s any better than you. Moon Beam is just built to killsteal and that bouncing attack makes it impossible for you to get last hits on creeps (no it doesn’t). This situation makes it particularly difficult to convince everyone that you’re the real force behind the team, but you can do it. You’re so talented and handsome, a bit of persuasion shouldn’t take much.
#4. Your cat ran across your keyboard.
You don’t really have to own a cat, this rationale is symbolic (huh?). This argument represents that randomness and unpredictability of the real world interfering with your ability to dominate. Also, a man with cats and ungodly HoN skills is a HoNnette’s dream. Don’t waste it.
#5. Uncomfortable with equipment and location.
This works best at a LAN center, but you don’t have to actually be at one. Room a bit chilly? That can really interfere with your play. Sun too bright? No one can expect you to overcome that type of hurdle (really?). Plus, this reasoning shows the ladies that you go outside (it won’t help).
#6. Girlfriend aggro.
While it might actually be your mother that bothers you, or your cat, this one works even better, because everyone knows that HoNnettes desperately desire that which they cannot have (that’s offensive...). On the other hand, it might quench the already burning desire some of them might have after seeing you play. Not recommended.
This one is your go-to move. If you end up the only one on your team dying, it’s obviously because you are grossly handicapped by lag. What other explanation could there be for a HoN God to be cast down? Best part is, no one can try to deny this one.
Running into him in the 1500 bracket is just not fair. Happened to me twice now. Hate that guy.
#9. Poor drafting.
This one only applies for HoNTour participants or any full team that plays lockpick. Sometimes, your drafter just lets you down. Lets everyone down. Even his mother. And there’s just no coming back from that. I know what you’re thinking (oh no you don’t), ‘Regnen, why don’t you draft, since you’re so naturally gifted?’ (No one was thinking that). I’m simply too good to be wasted on drafting. All my power needs to be directed at the enemy, a Death Star blast to obliterate so their voices all cry out at once and are suddenly silenced (now we’re infringing copyright). At least, that would happen if my drafter didn’t suck.
#10. Create your own!
Each situation will have a multitude of reasons for a loss, and anyone who is reading my article (has wasted five minutes of their life) is smart enough to figure them out. Just remember - no matter what, there’s always someone else at fault. You just have to look.
I’ll be out there, looking with you.
(This article does not represent the opinion of S2 or the S2 Staff. Our opinion is pretty much the opposite. Sorry about this. Won’t happen again.)